HAPPINESS: WHAT A CHALLENGE WHAT A GRACE

I’ve always had this innate memory. Kind of like a repetitive dream only that I’m not asleep.

An inner feeling of ravishing joy connected to being alive.

It doesn’t appear often or at least I am not conscious of it often.

But when I do feel it I recognize it immediately.

I cannot simply ignore it. It is a state of bliss filled with excitement and anticipation for what shall be. It lasts but only a few seconds but the memory lasts a life time.

I have consciously or unconsciously sought to recreate this feeling in my life. To make it a living joy.

Not always possible. Fear and worry weighing me down into a denser interpretation of the world around me.

And yet I know this is an illusion for the memory proves otherwise.

That a happy state of existence is a possibility not a dream.

The closer I am to my truth, to what I really enjoy doing the more often it appears. The more I commit to this relationship with myself the happier I feel.

Even if fear of what shall be enters my way, when all the currently recognizable sheds away, my determined commitment to myself lights the way.

A sacred relationship by far!  

The rewards infinite, the miracles by the dozen, the setbacks heaps, the doubt and fears are part of the dance.

The love I make with myself, holly. Me, myself and I, my souls’ memory coming alive.

What a challenge what a grace.

(2013)